GPs are earning £2,000 a week and working less, which seems like a good deal and no-one blames them for taking it.

There are those, however, who think things have gone too far and have formed a resistance movement.

A spokesman for this shadowy organisation, who himself developed symptoms of beriberi and had been allowed by a receptionist an urgent appointment to see a doctor one day next week, spoke to this column, but would not be identified.

‘We were all brought up believing the doctor was there to help us, get to know us and tend to us when we were ill, at home or in the surgery. That’s the service we want back.

‘We draw members from all walks. For instance, we have a TV engineer, Chuck. Only yesterday Chuck took a call from a doctor whose 36-inch plasma was on the blink. I’m sorry, Chuck told him, we don’t make home visits for loose connections, you’ll have to bring it to my workshop.

‘How can you tell it’s a loose connection without seeing it?’ asked the doctor.

‘How could you tell over the phone the other night I’d only got a virus?’ asked Chuck and told him to ring between 7-8am, when he took his phone off the hook so it was engaged until 8.05am when Chuck had already left for a game of golf. His wife offered the doc a four-minute slot on Thursday week.

‘There’s Arthur, our mechanic. His GP rang in great distress because smoke and steam was pouring from his Mercedes ML320 4x4 on the hard shoulder of the M6, so Arthur told him the important thing was not to panic, he was sure it was only something minor, give it a pint of oil and if it was no better in the morning call him.

‘Arthur eventually called in a locum-mechanic from Pontefract who thought he’d be with the doctor in four hours, if he could find the M6. He’d never seen a Mercedes 4x4, of course.

‘Steve, our plumber, almost felt sorry for the doctor who contacted him the other day, because he’d got a burst pipe and a flooded kitchen. Steve switched on a recorded message suggesting the doctor ring Plumbing Direct, a new service where diagnosis and helpful advice was available over the phone.’

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